On Happiness, part 1

            People are obsessed with the idea of happiness.  Just visit your local bookstore, if it even still exists, and walk down the Self Help/Psychology section.  You will find thousands of books with the word "happy"or "happiness"in their titles.  This happiness industry flourishes because no one can actually define the meaning of happiness.  I am not sure that I can, either.  But I believe that I can tell you exactly what it is NOT.  Happiness is not pleasure;/ happiness is not success; and happiness is not security.

            Pleasure is good.  Who doesn't enjoy the taste of good food when we are hungry, or the oblivion of sleep when we are tired, or the ecstasy of orgasm when we are--well, just about always?  Pleasure is intense and wonderful, but, alas, it is so temporary!  No matter how delicious our dinner, no matter how comfortable our bed, no matter how erotic our lover, in a short time we will have recovered ourselves to a sort of baseline existence.  What follows for most of us is a mindless march until we can experience the next pleasure.  Surely this is not happiness, but, instead, long periods of routine punctuated by brief moments of delirium.

            Success is impressive.  We admire the rich and famous.  We watch and listen to the words of the powerful.  We envy the beautiful.  Success, however, never depends on who the individual is, nor on what the individual does.  No, instead, success relies on the perceptions of others.  No matter how much money, or beauty, or talent a person has, success derives from what the rest of us think.  Have you ever noticed how many so-called successful people feel inferior, inadequate, or even depressed to the point of suicide?  Surely this is not happiness, but, instead, an endless struggle to satisfy public opinion.

            Security is nonexistent.  Whatever house in which we live, whatever money we have saved, whatever health we have enjoyed, all, all can be taken from us in a flash of lightning.  Ultimately, we cannot hide from the inevitable; we will grow old, we will break down, and we will die.  If we are lucky, that is.  Depressing? You bet.  Security is nothing but the illusion that we can protect ourselves from the randomness of our universe.  And oftentimes those who worry most about being secure are those least likely to actually feel safe.  Surely this is not happiness, but, instead, an attempt to control the accidents of our lives.

            If we are going to get a handle on this elusive notion of happiness, we need to recognize and reject the temporary methods we employ to avoid accepting responsibility for our sense of well-being.  Our lives are enriched by pleasure; our lives are sweetened by success; our lives are softened by security.  But it is all too possible to have all three of these illusions yet still feel profoundly UN-happy.  When we learn to accept the dismal frailty of life, only then can we  begin to construct a philosophy of happiness.

Human Rights

            One of the most frequently heard concepts in modern social and political discourse is human rights.  In fact, there is sometimes widespread disagreement about the actual meaning of this term.  I find it frustrating to think that in the year 2015 we, as a community of nations, have still not formulated or recognized a single declaration of human rights.  How can we protect and preserve our rights if we lack a clear understanding of what these rights entail?  I mean a declaration of human rights irrespective of nationality, religion, gender, or social class.  I suggest the following as the three most basic human rights:  The right to food; the right to health care; and the right to privacy.

            First of all, no person should be forced to be  hungry.  We live in a world that despite rising populations still manages to produce more than enough food to feed everyone.  As a simple exercise, think about all the food you waste during the course of a week.  And I am going to assume that you are not a wealthy person!  Now imagine if, instead of throwing this food away, you were somehow able to provide it to some other individual who needs more food.  Now, I am not suggesting the it is our responsibility individually to provide food to the hungry; it is a moral responsibility, but not a practical way to solve the problem of hunger.  No, instead, I propose that governments ensure that there are facilities for feeding the hungry.  Frankly, I don't care what it costs.  Furthermore, when drought or famine strikes a nation or region, other, wealthier, luckier nations must immediately help ease the suffering from hunger in these regions.

            Secondly, once everyone has been fed, we all deserve the information, the medicine, and the care we need in order to maintain our health.  No one should suffer from preventable illnesses; no one should be forced to endure pain from accidents; no one should be forced to choose between medicine and paying the rent.  How can a nation claim to love its citizens if a large percentage of them cannot afford to pay for health care?  Look, I am not talking about hair transplants, liposuction, or in vitro fertilization.  I mean access to health care professionals in order to prevent, cure, or manage illness and pain.  Once again, the cost doesn't matter; how can we justify spending trillions of dollars on weapons when poor children die from diseases that can be easily cured and prevented?

            Finally, I realize that, had I written this essay ten years ago, I would not have even considered the right to privacy as a significant human right.  Over the past decade, however, I have come to see that we all face a dangerous environment in which nothing we do as individuals can be said to be private.  We hear stories about our phone conversations, our internet searches, and even the television programs we watch being monitored

 and, potentially, analyzed.  We should realize that during the average day, we are literally being recorded during  a large portion of our daily lives.  Even our web cams can be controlled without our knowledge or consent to spy on our so-called private activities.  Some people worry that individuals will hijack a webcam in order to see someone walking around nude in his or her house; to me, this is obviously unlikely, since few of us actually do walk around in the nude, and even if we did, it is hard to imagine that someone would go to the trouble to watch this spectacle.  No, I think it is far more worrying that a government, law enforcement agency, or private organization could, can, and do monitor our private lives .  I am not a technical expert, but I believe we  need some sort of electronic "off switch" to ensure our right to be alone and to trust the security of our private lives.

            I admit that a list of human rights could potentially grow into dozens if not hundreds of items.  What we must work for is to find the balance between personal liberty, national and religious beliefs, and the welfare of the majority.  although it is not easy, fundamentally we must discuss, recognize, and protect the basic rights of every individual.  By doing so we will be protecting our own rights as well.

Response 3

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." Eleanor Roosevelt


     I spent several years in therapy some time ago, and this quotation reminds me of how often my counselor Would tell me something very similar.  The point is that our self-image is a powerful tool; in the hands of other people, this tool can be used against our own best interests.  The good news is, however, that we always have the ability to control our self-image.  One path to greater happiness is to spend much more time thinking about our own goals and much less time worrying about the opinions of others.  Unless we understand ourselves, we cannot hope to find success in any job or activity.  Once we know who we are, we will listen to others, but their words and opinions will have lost the power to control us.  For me, following this path of self-discovery has been a constant challenge, requiting mindfulness and courage. 

     I am a man, so I hate to shop.  I am also blind, so I rely on the kindness of strangers to help me locate the items I want to buy.  This combination of facts has resulted in a lot of experience with salesclerks.  In general, I have observed threee kinds of salesclerks:  those who are way too helpful; those who are not nearly helpful enough; and those who are
juussssttttt right.
   First of all, let's consider the salesclerk who is way too helpful.  This smiling bird of prey will spot you the moment you enter the store.  He will zero in on you with his sales-claws poised to rip your wallet from your pants pocket.  Typically, he will assault you with a stream of questions that give you no time to interject any questions of your own.  for example:
   He:  Welcome to Pants City!  We're having a sale this week on capri pants; buy two pairs,
     and get a pair of woolen socks for 25% off the original retail price.  Would you like to try
     on some boxer shorts?   You look like a size 38.  Do you prefer solid colors orstripes?
     Me:  Ummmm, I want a pair of jeans.
     He:  Wow, that's super!  Do you want straight leg?  Boot cut?  Loose fit?  Or maybe
     you prefer bell bottoms?  You look like my uncle, and my uncle used to wear bellbottoms
     in the 60's.  Here's six different pairs to try on.  the changing rooms are back  here,
     but don't try to steal anything.  We';re watching you.  Will that be cash or charge?
Usually, by the time he has greeted me, interrogated me, and told me several rather personaldetails about his family life, I have either forgotten what I wanted or have decided to just live with my problems.
     Second, let's go to the other end of the spectrumand consider the salesclerk who is not even close to being helpful.  Clearly, this person haates her job, hates her co-workers, and very likely hates the customers, too.  Her characteristic expression falls somewhere between bored and scornful.  Her attitude makes it very clear that you are a fly in the oatmeal of her life:
     Me:  Excuse me, can you help me?
     She: (Sighing) Well, what is it? (Looking significntly at her watch).
     Me:  I need a charging cable for my Iphone.
     She: (Rolling her eyes) Pfffft!  That model will be obselete in a month.  And we'll probably die soon anyway.
     Me:  Well, if I have to die, I want to go with a fully charged Iphone.
     She: (Yawning) I think I saw something like that back there someplace (pointing toward
     the rear of the store).
When I arrive in the "back there someplace"section of the store, I see six or seven other customers, shuffling around like the walking dead, looking for whatever they wanted.
     Finally, once in a while, we will enter a store and encounter a salesclerk who is just right: helpful, but not too helpful; available when you need him, but not when you want to be alone; knowledgeable about the items in the store, but not interested in educating you about products you do not want to buy today.  Here's how this salesclerk will work with you:
      He:  Hi! May I help you find something in particular?
     Me:  Well, yes, I guess so.  I need some new forks for my fondue pot.
     He:  Sure, we have those. Come with me, please.
(Notice that he doesn't TELL me or SHOW me, but instead he TAKES me there!)
     He:  Right here we have a full selection of fondue accessories.  If you have any wuestions, please let me know.
Sure enough, when I feel a bit overwhelmed, and I DO have a question, my salesclerk is easy to fin.  He knows the store, he knows fondue forks, and he knows how to talk to people.  I leave the store feeling as if I have not just improved my cutlery selection, but also somehow helped the salesclerk fulfill his destiny.
     Years ago, I worked as a salesclerk in a book store.  Honestly, I tried very, very hard not to make it obvious to the customers that I had read much more than they had, and was much smarter than they could ever hope to be.  I admit that whenever someone asked me about a good book, I steered them toward books that I liked.One time I even told a woman that she was making a mistake buying a dictionary for her nephew for a graduation present.I can't say how things worked out with the graduation party, but I know that before a long time I was asked to leave the book store in order to pursue different challenges in my life.  I can only hope that this experience helped me in some small way to be a better customer, because as we know, good customers are the key to good salesclerks.

Response 2

"Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it." Henry David Thoreau


     These words are a variation on the old theme that actions speak louder than words.  Although we need to have dreams in order to enrich our lives, dreamswithout plans, dreams without action, are doomed to grow bitter with time.  Once again,, we need to difine the word "success"very broadly.  More than simply financial security, success can mean finding a positive relationship, communicating better with family members, or even finishing a household project that has been languishing for month Thoreau is reminding us that the only way to change ideas into realities is to use our energy to s.  

3 types of music

     For most people, music has become the soundtrack of their lives.  We are so immersed in TV and movies, as well as video games, that we imagine our daily routine is punctuated by the appropriate songs to reflect our moods.  For me, my lack of good hearing has left music as a choice, and n ot n inescapable reality.  Specifically, I choose music to enhance three different activities: For exercising, I choose rock music; for meditating, I choose instrumental music; and for listening, I choose singer/songwriter music.
    First, when I exercise at the gym, I must listen to music through my earbuds.  I have found that if I can't hear myself gasping for breath, I don't feel so tired; furthermore, I can't concentrate if I have to listen to the cheerful yuppies who work out before going to their jobs every morning.  For those reasons, I blast rock 'n roll into my brain while I try to reverse the againg process and what it is doing to my body.  The thumping of the bass guitar and the banging of the drums ehlp me to focus on feeling strong and healthy.
     At other times of the day, I want to meditate, to practice minfulness in order to feel more connected to the world around me.  Instrumental music helps me to open up my consciousness.When I was a young man, we used to call this kind of music "head music." I suppose that idea  feel myself continues for me; instrumental music, often of the type known as "New Age,"helps me to relax andfeel integrated into the moment.  By giving me a sound upon which to focus, instrumental music helps me to reach out and absorb my environment.
     Most importantly, I love to listen to music.  For me, listening is an extremely active exercise.  I want to hear the music, to understand the words, to feel the emotion.  At these times, I especially love the poetry of the human voice.  For that reason, the music of singer/songwriters is my favorite; there is nothing so beautiful to me as one person, singing his or her own words, accompanied by the simple sounds of a guitar or piano.  Maybe my love for this poety derives from my years of studying literature. But whatever the reason, there is a magic in the way that the human voice interprets and pronounces the written word.  I believe that is why our oldest music comes from the rhythm of  people using their voices as instruments.
     Although it is late now in my life, I have never abandoned the hope of doing more than simply enjoying the music that others have created.  One of my greatest desires is to somehow make music.  I was not blessed with a lovely singing voice, but still, I yearn to use what skills I have in order to make music.  In some ways, this is the simplest and most personal way that we can express ourselves in our lives.

Response 1

. If you want to achieve greatness stop asking for permission. ~Anonymous


     Ultimately, this quotation tells us that we need to be self-reliant, but not in the sense of working alone.  Instead, it urges us to be our own critics, and not to trust our ideas to the opinions of others.  Although it is never easy, we all need to find the core of our self-image, and then listen to the voice inside that guides us in the best direction to realize that self-image.  No other person, no matter how much he or she may love us, can ever guide us as well as our own desires, our own destiny.  The advice here is to stop checking with others before following that internal voice.  Not only will we feel more comfortable with our actions, but we will take the responsibility for our lives away from our families, our co-workers, our friends, and put it back into our own hands.